We are going to talk about how to actually become more positive. You hear people say, oh, you know, you have to be more positive. It’s so important to be positive. But how do you actually do that?
Josh is from Chicago. Josh has been feeling down. Everyone keeps telling him that he should pick himself up and try to have a more positive mindset. But that is easier said than done! He feels super upset, negative, and discouraged all the time. He’s made some serious mistakes in his business and destroyed his finances and his family’s finances. He keeps running through his my mind what he could have done differently. He says that he’s just beyond mad at himself. He knows that with that mindset of being angry and being fixated on the past, he’s going nowhere.
So many people feel discouraged and they feel down and they feel hopeless. All we hear on social media and from other people is, oh, you have to be more positive. You have to have a positive mindset. And I gotta tell you some days when I have a bad day, it’s hard to be positive. And nobody ever changed their behavior just because they were told to.
NLP is neuro-linguistic programming and the simplest way to understand it is it’s the way our mind connects to our language, connecting to our programming. And so our mind is always speaking to us. It’s our inner self talk. It’s everything that we feel like we know as who we are. And the programming goes back to all of the things that we learned from our childhood, from being zero all the way up to seven we’re in these years, the imprinting years, where we learn so many things about who we are. And this is actually where a lot of our trauma, a lot of our inner limiting beliefs come from, and it comes from not who we are authentically, but as what we’ve been told or what we’ve been taught from the people around us,
This is really interesting. You know, it goes back to one of my, one of my earliest memories in my childhood is a memory where I went to a singing recital. The parents sit there and they go, “my child is so wonderful.” But all the kids are singing in one tune.
And then when you hear yourself singing off-tune. I remember going home with my dad and I said, dad, I think I was singing off tune.
And at this moment, when you talk about neuro-linguistics and that imprint in your childhood, he could have said to me a lot of things. “Oh my little singer, no, you were singing great.”
But he chose not to lie to me.
A second option would be to say, “you really sang off-tune. Maybe next time when the kids are singing, maybe you should just like them.”.
Yeah. But he chose to say something else. And I feel that it had a profound impact. When you talk about those imprints and that linguistic, he said, “you know how Michelle. I think even if you sang off-tune, I think you did it pretty beautifully.”
And that created a mindset, where I was like, “I’m gonna mess up and it’s going to be quite okay.”
I had one guy at an event that I spoke at, and the guy was a successful doctor. He comes to me and says, I feel like my whole life I’m carrying a burden, like heavy stones of all the negativity. That was the imprint of my childhood. And there’s a voice in my head that keeps saying, you’re not good enough. If anyone feels that there’s a lot of negativity coming from their childhood, maybe people that didn’t believe in them, people that doubted them.
They know that they wanna feel more positive, be more positive, but they have that negativity in them.
First of all, never give up.It’s a continuous process and it takes a lot of time. So, you know, one month of this work isn’t going to make the change even a year. It’s gonna take, you know, the rest of your life, working towards becoming authentically aligned with yourself. Secondly, we have to start working through our baggage and this is a huge term in NLP. And baggage really just means all the crap that’s keeping you down. That’s weighing you down. All the stuff that you put in your backpack since you were a kid, all the way up to now. So working through your baggage can mean a lot of things. Now, what I teach my clients is there’s two main ways to overcome your baggage.
Now this repetition might be through journaling. It might be through meditation. It could be through talking to somebody, but it’s setting time away. So you can work on changing your thoughts. And there’s a whole bunch of stuff we can go into with that. But that’s the main part.
And the second way is to work with somebody who specializes in it, who can lead you and guide you towards looking at things in a different perspective, or doing certain therapies that are meant for these specific areas that you wanna overcome.
He definitely needs to get into the mindset of forgiving himself and reassuring himself about all the beautiful qualities that he does have and all the good things that he does do. Affirmations are best whenever they are from your heart. And when they make sense to you, affirmations at first probably are gonna feel a little icky. They might feel fake, but the whole point is, is your subconscious mind is listening. It knows that you’re speaking to it. So it’s gonna start listening. Eventually. That’s part of where the repetition is really important for everyone. He could just say something as simple as I am worthy. I deserve my own love.
Do I just say it in the morning? Do I just say it at night? Do I say it all the time? Do I say it every time I feel negative? Walk me through it. How does it work?
Ally Vaeth: I recommend doing it in the morning. A lot of people will get post it notes and write it on their mirror. Or they’ll put it on their fridge, they’ll put it on their desk. And it’s a constant reminder that you’re awesome. I even still write quotes that I think are inspiring. And I put them at the top of my to-do list or keep on my desk. I even have them on the back of my phone screen.
The other thing that you mentioned was just self-talk. So evaluating your self-talk and realizing, okay, is this a positive or a negative thing that I’m saying, what can I replace it with? Because your brain wants to solve a problem. So if you’re trying to solve a problem and the problem is getting you to, I’m not good enough. I suck at what I do. We have to ask a better question. So what question can you ask to get you to an inspired place?
It’s time to replace the narrator. And I think a lot of times people get confused and they think that voice is reality. And once you separate the two and you say, excuse me, I am the boss here. You’re just the narrator. I decide what you say at this event of my life. You wanna get fired or you wanna think of exactly what I tell you.
When a client finally works through their baggage and lets go of some of the negative emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, fear, hopelessness, all those feelings that keep you stuck. When those are out of your backpack, you tend to see clients not focusing on their past. When you talk to someone about an area that’s triggering, that emotional reaction is worked through. So they could talk about it and it won’t have that emotional response anymore. You see clients tend to feel so much happier. They start to allow themselves to feel love and joy. And usually you notice relationships change, your environment changes. You let go of all the nonsense that everyone told you, and you listen to what’s on the inside. And when you start to listen to that voice versus everyone else, really cool things happen. And I see my clients usually start to thrive once they hit that threshold.