Motivation is always something that bothers us. Always. How do we get more motivated? What actually motivates us? Is there a way for us to become more motivated and accomplish more? Here are the three most important things about how motivation works in the human mind. This is what will make you more successful and definitely happier in every aspect of your life.
#1: There is a narrative in your head. And it is impacting EVERYTHING that you do.
Motivation has a lot to do with the way we perceive ourselves within the reality of our life. We manage our lives based on decisions that we take every minute, every day. Decisions that are based on our perception of our reality, our life. That perception is completely in our head and completely subjective. It depends on what we tell ourselves and the way we interpret our reality. If we perceive ourselves as motivated, successful and capable, we will act accordingly. If we see ourselves as victims, blame others and question what we are capable of doing, it will weaken our motivation. The nice thing about perception and inner narrative is that they are completely changeable. You CAN change the story you tell yourself about yourself. By doing that, you will end up making different choices. In that respect, the problem is not your motivation. The problem- and the solution here- are in the story you tell yourself about yourself. If you are seeing yourself as the victim- stop. If you constantly blame your parents, your boss, your spouse or your ex- stop now. Take charge of the story you tell yourself about yourself. Start telling yourself that you are capable, resourceful and powerful. Whenever you slip into a narrative of victimhood and blaming- stop yourself and remind yourself who you are- capable, resourceful and powerful.
#2: You Already know Your Purpose.
There is nothing to search for when it comes to purpose. It is within you. If you do not know what your purpose is, then you are just not paying attention to what your gut is telling you. It is hushed by what you think are the expectations of others. That needs to stop. You can mediate, or you can just think it through. But the answers to what your purpose is right now, at this time in your life, are within you. Life purpose is too big of a concept. Too vague and too scary to deal with for most of us. But what do you really want? What matters to you the most right now at this point in your life, just at the point that you are at? Of course you know the answer. You know yourself. You just don’t listen to your gut sometimes. You HAVE a purpose. Now let it guide you. Because the truth of the matter is, that deep in your gut, you know what matters to you the most. Go with it. The clearer the purpose, the greater the motivation to pursue it.
#3: You NEED Validation. But Not in the Way You Think.
It’s really great to be told that you do not need validation from anyone. That you just need to be validated by yourself. But unfortunately, we are wired to seek validation.
So let’s see what validation actually is. Validation is getting feedback from others that “what I do and what I say matters to you. You hear me. You see me. You think of me. You thank me. You acknowledge my accomplishments. You appreciate my efforts.”
The opposite of validation? Non-recognition. “I don’t give a damn what you want, what you say, what you think. Who cares? You’re overreacting. You’re nuts. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”. No fun. One of the great things about being in love is how often you receive tons of validation. “You’re so beautiful, so caring, so thoughtful, so smart.” This makes you feel terrific about yourself, which is great.
Do we always need to receive validation from others? Or can we give it to ourselves? First and foremost, you need to give it to yourself. And this is the trick to not only motivate yourself, but also to depend a lot less on anyone around you in order to be validated and as a result- motivated. You can praise yourself. It works just as well and it boosts your self-esteem without depending on others to validate you. You did something great- tell yourself that you were great. You’ve succeeded in something? Worked hard? Did great? Looked great? Be good to yourself. Say great things to yourself. Stop depending on others to do that for you.
You do not need to be motivated. You just need to realize how your mind works. You know your purpose. You know what matters to you the most right now, at this point in your life. And above all- you can tell yourself who you really are: capable, resourceful, and powerful.