“I Thought I’d Be Further By Now…”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this sentence from people across every walk of life.
Sometimes it comes out quietly, almost like a confession. Other times, it comes with frustration, like someone’s just trying to understand why things aren’t adding up.
“I thought I’d be further by now.”
“I thought I’d be married by 30.”
“I thought I’d have kids.”
“I thought I’d have a house, or a better job, or at least more savings.”
“I thought I’d feel more together by now.”
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. You’re also not behind.
You’ve just been following a timeline that was never yours to begin with.
The Myth of the Milestone Life
Let’s talk about where that pressure comes from. Somewhere along the way, we were handed a story about what life is supposed to look like:
- Graduate at 22.
- Land a stable job by 24.
- Find “your person” by 28.
- Buy a house by 30.
- Have kids by 32.
- Reach career stability by 35.
- Be thriving—physically, financially, emotionally—by 40.
It sounds like a checklist, right? A set of milestones to tick off like it’s a game of life, and if you don’t hit them “on time,” you’re somehow behind.
But this story—the one that’s baked into our culture, our expectations, and our internal monologue—was built for a different era. It was shaped during a time when the world was more linear, predictable, and structured.
That’s not the world we live in anymore.
Careers aren’t linear. Relationships take different shapes. Families look different. Goals evolve. And timelines? They’re all over the place—and that’s not a sign of failure. It’s a sign of reality.
The Stats That May Surprise You
Let’s ground this in data for a second. Because reality tells a much different story than the timeline in your head.
- According to Pew Research, the average age of first marriage in the U.S. is now 30 for men and 28 for women—and climbing steadily.
- The average age of first-time homeownership in the U.S. is now 36, compared to 29 just two decades ago.
- The average person will change careers five to seven times in their life.
- Over 50% of people in their 30s and 40s say they still don’t feel financially “stable.”
So if you’re not married, if you’re renting, if you’re still figuring out what you want to be when you grow up—even in your 40s—you’re not behind. You’re in the majority.
But the problem isn’t the reality. It’s the expectation gap—the space between where you think you should be and where you actually are. That gap is where shame lives. That gap is where we start to panic, compare, and shut down.
That’s what we need to close—not by racing to catch up, but by redefining what “on time” really means.
The Timeline That Actually Matters
The only timeline that matters is the one that fits your life, your growth, your values, and your capacity. That means it will look wildly different from everyone else’s—and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
I’ve worked with clients who started brand-new careers at 45. Who got married at 50. Who had their first child in their early 40s or adopted in their 50s. I’ve worked with people who started saving at 35 and built wealth in 10 years. Who wrote their first book at 60. Who launched a business while managing three kids and student debt.
Not one of them was “late.” They were ready. And that’s what mattered.
Because here’s something I want you to think about: if you had achieved everything you thought you “should” by now—would you have been prepared for it? Would you have appreciated it? Would it have aligned with who you are today?
Sometimes life takes longer because you’re becoming the version of yourself who can actually handle what you’re asking for. That’s not delay. That’s development.
The Problem with Social Milestones
One of the biggest mental traps we fall into is the illusion of sameness. You see your peers hitting certain milestones, and suddenly you feel like there’s a stopwatch on your back.
But here’s the thing: social milestones—like getting married, having kids, buying a house, getting promoted—are not signs of superiority. They’re just moments. They’re chapters. And not everyone is in the same chapter at the same time.
It’s like reading a novel and panicking that someone on chapter 20 knows something you don’t. But you’re in chapter 12. Your plot is still unfolding. And spoiler alert: it’s about to get good.
So no, you’re not too late. You’re just on a different arc.
The Internal Pressure No One Sees
What I see most often—especially among high-achieving, motivated people—isn’t laziness or lack of direction. It’s silent shame. It’s the voice in your head whispering, “Why aren’t you further along?” even as you’re juggling more than most people could ever see.
And that voice isn’t coming from failure. It’s coming from fear. Fear that you missed your window. That you don’t measure up. That it might be too late.
But fear is a liar. Especially when it tries to use timelines as proof.
The people who grow the most, who experience deep joy and fulfillment, are the ones who give themselves permission to keep evolving—without needing to rush to the next milestone to prove their worth.
You don’t need more validation. You need more trust in your own pace.
So, What If You’re Right On Time?
What if you’re not behind at all?
What if the job you haven’t landed yet is only waiting until you’re ready to lead it?
What if the relationship you want is still forming because you are still forming?
What if the peace you’ve been craving is on the other side of releasing that false timeline?
Your life is not a race. It’s not a comparison. And it’s not a linear checklist.
It’s a series of choices, recoveries, reinventions, pauses, and yes—surprises.
Sometimes the greatest freedom you can give yourself is to let go of who you thought you should be by now, and start becoming who you actually are.
And that person? They’re not late. They’re right on time.
About Dr. Michelle Rozen
Dr. Michelle Rozen, known as “The Change Doctor,” is a globally respected authority on the psychology of change in business, relationships, and life. As a sought-after keynote speaker and bestselling author, she has worked with Fortune 500 companies, top executives, and high-performance teams to unlock their potential through science-backed strategies. Her dynamic approach to leadership, motivation, and peak performance has made her a trusted expert in navigating change, achieving goals, and mastering communication in both personal and professional settings.
