It always starts innocently enough.
You’re between meetings, or unwinding before bed, and you pick up your phone for a quick scroll. Maybe you’re not even looking for anything in particular—just a mental break. But before you know it, you’re looking at a photo of someone in Greece, or a friend announcing their promotion, or someone your age who just bought a house, launched a business, and somehow still manages to look effortlessly happy and camera-ready.
What Is the Comparison Trap?
You’re looking at their life through a filtered lens and measuring your own against it. Your job starts to feel smaller. Your wins feel less impressive. Your pace feels slow. You begin to wonder if you’re falling behind in a race you didn’t even realize you were running.
This is the comparison trap. And it’s become one of the most powerful and dangerous mental habits of our time.
I’ve coached executives, entrepreneurs, and everyday people for years. And I’ve seen how often people are consumed by quiet self-doubt—not because they’re failing, but because they’re constantly comparing.
Why We Compare Ourselves to Others
Comparison used to be local. You compared yourself to your coworkers, neighbors, or college friends. But now? You’re comparing yourself to thousands of people a day, often strangers, all carefully curating the best 1% of their lives to present online. It’s not a fair fight—and yet, we still fall for it.
The science behind this is clear. Studies show that our brains are wired to evaluate ourselves through social comparison. This was originally a survival mechanism—we measured ourselves against others to understand where we stood within a tribe or community. But in today’s digital world, that instinct is being triggered constantly and in ways our brain isn’t designed to handle.
A 2018 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that people who spent more time on Facebook and Instagram reported significantly lower self-esteem, higher anxiety, and more depressive symptoms. Researchers at the University of Copenhagen even coined the term “Facebook envy” after observing how social media use was directly correlated with feelings of inadequacy and disconnection.
It’s not hard to see why. Social media doesn’t show real life. It shows curated highlight reels, filtered images, and carefully written captions that often tell a fraction of the truth. The couple smiling on the beach might have argued all morning. The entrepreneur celebrating a win might be quietly panicking about cash flow. The influencer promoting their lifestyle might be renting every outfit they post.
The Hidden Costs of Comparison
But your brain doesn’t register those caveats. It just sees someone looking happy, accomplished, or ahead—and translates it into one thing: “They’re doing better than me.”
That mental shortcut is exhausting. It creates self-doubt where there was none. It distorts your goals. It fuels overthinking. And worst of all, it makes you question the worth of your own progress.
You start to feel like the job you were once proud of isn’t impressive enough. The relationship you’re building feels like it’s missing something. The small win you celebrated yesterday now feels too small to matter.
That’s the trap. Not because you’re wrong to want more for yourself, but because the source of your discomfort isn’t real comparison—it’s illusion.
One of the biggest problems I see in my coaching work is how comparison subtly shapes the goals people set. They don’t even realize they’re doing it. Someone will come to me and say they want to earn more money, get a certain kind of body, or move up the ladder in their field. And when we dig into why, it often boils down to seeing someone else with that outcome—and assuming it must be the standard for success.
This is why one of the core pieces of my 6% Methodology—detailed in The 6% Club—is what I call the Law of Specification. The people who actually achieve their goals don’t just want “more” or “better.” They know exactly what success means to them. They don’t set goals based on other people’s timelines, achievements, or metrics. They define what matters based on their own values, priorities, and purpose.
How to Escape the Comparison Trap
When you set a vague goal like “I want to be successful” or “I want to be in shape,” it becomes dangerously easy to let the internet define what that looks like. You end up chasing someone else’s version of fulfillment instead of your own.
And here’s the reality: you can win at someone else’s game and still feel empty. That’s why so many people are burning out—they’re running after goals that were never actually theirs to begin with.
I’ve fallen into that trap, too. When I was starting my speaking career, I would scroll through Instagram and see other speakers on massive stages, getting media coverage, flying first class. I was growing, I was serving my audience, and I was making real progress—but somehow, none of it felt like enough.
It wasn’t until I paused and asked myself what I truly wanted—not what looked impressive, but what felt meaningful—that I got clear again. That’s when I started building a speaking career on my own terms. One where I could connect deeply with my audience, create powerful change, and build a schedule that aligned with my life.
And that’s when the joy came back.
If you’re constantly feeling like you’re behind, ask yourself: behind what? According to whom? And does that direction even lead to the life you want?
The first step out of the comparison trap is awareness. Noticing when it happens. Recognizing that tight feeling in your chest or the sudden shift in your mood after a scroll session. That moment is your opportunity to pause, not spiral.
The second step is redirection. Bring the focus back to your goals. And not just any goals—your goals. In The 6% Club, I walk readers through defining one hyper-specific goal at a time. When you focus that way—on something measurable, time-bound, and aligned with your values—you stop drifting into other people’s lanes. You reclaim your power and your direction.
Comparison doesn’t disappear forever. It’s a reflex we all have. But you can train your mind to recognize it, redirect it, and protect your energy from it. That’s how you stay grounded in your own journey.
Building a Life Beyond Comparison
You don’t need a perfectly curated life. You need a life that feels right when you wake up—not when you post about it.
So the next time you catch yourself comparing, remember this: you are not behind. You are not invisible. And you are not late to anything.
You are exactly where you need to be to take your next step.
Let go of their timeline. Let go of the filters. Focus on one meaningful goal, make it specific, give it a deadline—and go.
The only life you need to measure is your own. And when you commit to that, you’ll finally feel what comparison never gives you: peace.
